Balaga Win Penultimate game but Fail in League

Balaga Went into they're match with Douglas Mortgage .ie looking for nothing less than 3 points, and hoping that Mercer would drop points against Bare-Arse. This was the only way that the Cucumbers could claim the league title and FC Balaga Tongos first silverware.

With Browne out with injury to his leg, balaga once again called on the reliable services of Paul Dawson. O' Callaghan would be delayed and would miss the first 15 so David Green was asked to play, a player admired by club management, but who had not yet made his competitive debut after impressing in pre-season. Greener would slot in beside Broderick and in front of Damo, with O' Driscoll, Webz and Dawson ahead and Parker upfront. David W would have to settle for a starting spot on the bench, "freaked".

Greener and Dawson watch as Balaga Attack.

Cutting the details short, Parker was sensational and banged in four goals, three i saw and they were all absolute raspers from the wings. Greener also got his name on the score sheet, in a great performance, finishing clinically from a Webz throw in. Douglas got two themselves but it was all irrelevant as Merver battled out for a victory despite losing the seasons MVP to injury during the match. Quick recovery bai.

Parker Holds the ball under pressure.

The team hung around after the game and applauded the champions who eventually won on the extra head to head goal they scored, but in fairness would of won on goal difference if it had come to that aswell.

GUTTED!!!

Balaga’s title hopes not so Rosie

A must win game for Balaga in their second to last game of the season. After leading the title race all season long, Balaga had 2 final hurdles to jump before possibly collecting their first ever trophy. Rosies were defiantly going to have something to say on the matter though as earlier on in the season they had served Tongo their biggest defeat of the campaign. JD still hadn't recovered from the ankle injury sustained the previous week and Steve was a 50/50 chance to play so Tongo saught the creative midfield skills of Dawson once more to plug the gaps. Balagas team was:



Rosies decided to kick off and right from the start they rifled a shot which hit the post. If Balaga needed a wake up call they got it. A shaky enough start was soon calmed down though through a goal from the back on form David W , with his 4th goal in 2 matches. Just the star Balaga needed. Soon after it was two thanks to a quick throw in from webz and a shot from Kev led to a corner. Kev quickly took it to Rory who set up Webz for the goal. 2-0 and Balaga really looked like they were up for the fight.

Rosies failed to stick to the script though and came close on several occasions and right before half-time had about 4 or 5 corners in a row, all of which Tongo dealt with superbly. So far everything was going to plan. The team was playing as a unit and defensively this was surely the cucumbers best performance to date, not just the 2 recognized defenders but everyone, from the front back, defended as a unit and looked to be on course for the 3 points.

Half time came and Balaga made a few changes which in hindsight may have upset the boat a bit. Not long after the restart Rosies scored. Quickly followed by a second. As in the first meeting between these two teams, the Rosies shooting was superb, and pretty much everything they hit landed on target, or hit the net, leaving Damo to make some important saves.

Balaga seemed to have never returned from the half time talk and only after the 2nd Rosies goal did they spark back into life, coming so close with a shot from Rory which rattled the upright. But it was Rosies who once more took the lead, with a resulting goal from their top goalscorer who wasn't closed down quick enough by Kev in the Balaga defense.

All seemed to be lost but Balaga didnt drop the heads, and with around 10 minutes remaining, Webz was left one on one with the keeper, rounded him but i think hit the post but Phil was on hand to score to make it 3-3 and HOPE!!! Hope that wasnt to last however, as pretty much straight afterwards Rosies caught Balaga on the break again and went back into the lead 4-3. A nightmare for Tongo was finished off with first, a yellow for Tom O'c and finally, a 5th break away goal which i dont remember. 5-3 final score.

Balaga's chances are still slim though as Mercer could only draw with Upsetters. After leading the pack from start to finish Balaga find themselves 2nd on head to heads with one game to go. There's a slight chance but Balaga have to win and Mercer have to lose against bottom side BareArseAlona which fingers crossed they do!

Balaga Exorcise Upsetters Demons

In what was again an improvement on the previous weeks performance, Balaga battled for victory against the Upsetters. A second win against a side they lost to twice last season.

The Tuesday before the game news came into club management that Stephen Parker had not fully recovered from an ankle injury sustained during the teams 3-2 win over BareArseAlona last week. After a fitness test in Crosshaven the morning of the game, Parker ruled himself out. Paul Dawson was called upon as cover, previously playing in the victory over Premier Auto Parts a few weeks ago he got on the score sheet, so hopes were high that he could fill the gap left by Parker. Later news that JD, John Duggan injured his ankle too during an international CIT training camp before the game meant he could not make the game. So the team lined up...

The match itself started out terribly for Balaga as Upsetters went 1 up very quickly. But this seemed to focus the Tongolese as they quickly hit 2 back. Both goals were from players who were recently failing to find they're early season clinical scoring ability.

Rory Browne equlaised for the cucumbers, controlling the ball wide on the left flank before curling a peach around the keeper and into the far corner of the goal, as videoed by Balagas No1 fan and keeper Damos wife Ashling Kennedy. The second was a David W strike again from the left and shooting the ball down the keepers left to make it 2-1.

Not too long later the third goal came for Balaga, again from David W , this time on the right he shot down the right side of the keeper. 3-1.

Dawson was superb when he came on the pitch half way through the first half, involved in a lot of attacks he got his name on the scoresheet with a tidy finish. Philip recieving the ball on the left side of the box heard a call and managed to get a quick cross in to the awaiting Dawson who made no mistake. 4-1.

The Upsetters showed again though that they are no pushovers scoring again to make it 4-2.

But it was Balaga's continuing pressure that was the deciding factor in the match, David W made it a hattrick as he finished with a neat flick over the keeper as the ball rolled into the far corner it was Balaga 5, Upsetters 2.

O'Driscoll continued his goalscoring form with a left volley to make it 6-2. Lovely job game over. Oh no wait the Upsetters scored a consolation in the closing minutes, Treacy scrapping the ball in for them.

A more solid performance again from the Tongolese outfit as Damo made some great saves, Broderick continued his good run of form as he had the tough task of managing the Upsetters strong striker, and O'Callaghan did enough on the other side of the defense.

This let the sides attacking players show their skills. Rory was bang on form again and looked confident, David W was back to his best harrying players up and down the pitch and you cant go wrong with a hattrick, O'Driscoll continued from last week - really getting stuck in, showing his previous unseen aerial ability, and controlling the centre of the park, Webz was all action as usual and will be disappointed not the get on the score sheet but I'm sure he will be hungry to change that next week.

Sub Dawson was fantastic, showing brilliant passing ability and scoring his second in two games for the club.

Elsewhere in the league main rivals Mercer clocked up another victory, this time against Rosies, to stay 1 point behind Balaga. Callas cowboys got their second win of the season beating BareArseAlona. In the other game DouglasMortgage won a close game with Premier Auto Parts. This leaves the table like so after 12 games...



With only two games left Balaga Tongo will be concentrating on getting two wins and nothing less to secure the trophy. After losing in the first half of the season with a very poor performance to next weeks opponents Rosies, the Tongolese will be focused, eager to put in the work and show what they can do this time around.

Hopefully there will be an even better crowd of supporters for the big match after this weeks medium sized crowd of three.

Some Match Highlights...




Brownes opening goal in Balaga HD...

Balaga Scrape Past Bare Arses

After Last weeks loss to Mercer Balaga needed a win to keep their lead at the top of the footy.ie Wed Div 2 league. Not the best display from Balaga but a much better performance saw the Tongolese Club get the three points last night.

With Skinty, the most used sub up to this point, out with a drunken broken leg injury, Spring Rookie of Year JD, John Duggan, couldn't of come home from the states at a better time. Signing back to FC Balaga Tongo for the rest of the season.

With nobody else missing the 7 starting players and 2 subs were as follows...


The game began with Balaga having more of the possession. Some tough challenges from the Bare arsed main striker had the defense slightly rattled and when O Callaghan gave away a needless free kick on the edge of the area, revenge gone wrong. The striker duly punished with a well taken strike. But then he got a bit too big for his boots as he bowwwled O'Driscoll over the side-netting and about 5 yards into the neighbouring pitch. Straight sin bin for what was a dangerous challenge, 7 V 6 it was. Soon after O'Driscoll got his revenge and scored a beaut of a goal recieving the ball about 10 yard out he smacked it into the bottom corner to make it 1-1.

Balaga continued their pressure with Duggan on and causing problems. O'Driscoll again was at the brunt of the Arses agression as he was flung into the nets again and another yellow card followed. But again O'Driscoll got his own back going clear of Bare Arses defense he cooly slotted the ball down the middle with the keeper diving to his left. 2-1 Balaga, Yesss O'D baiiiiiiiii!!! More pressure came and Browne was trying hard to find his early season goal scoring form as he fired in shots only to see them hit the woodwork.

Second Half and Balaga knew they could win if they kept at it and kept the ball on the ground as much as possible. The intensity of the first half wasn't found again but they're was some chances for both sides. O' Callaghan received a tame yellow when he came through the back of the Bare Arse Striker. But Balaga held on when under pressure with Broderick and Damo playing well for the whole game. Then Parker hounding down the ball like a rabid ratt man and winning it off the keeper and sexily back heeled it into the net with style. The onlooking fan, Greener, was seen in raptures as his favourite Balaga man scored his 8th of the season. Bare Arse then got their second through some bad defending and inability to get rid of the ball when it needed to be got rid of. This made the last 5 minutes a bit more exciting but Balaga didn't look like giving the game away, hungry for their first taste of silverware!

Second placed Mercer also scraped a win with the same scoreline to keep pressure on Balaga. In the other game Rosies got a great 4-0 win over AutoParts to keep their name in thirdplace. The Next weeks opponents Upsetters also proved they are not out of the chase as they thumped Callas 8-2.

Match Highlights Starting with O'Driscolls beaut of a first!

Balaga shown no mercy

This was a Hugh game for Balaga, and a full squad to pick from for the first time in weeks gave them planty of confidence. Team Line out:



An excelent early goal from Tom O'C gave the cucumbers even more confidence, perhaps their downfall, as they eventually went in 3-1 down and totally outplayed by Mercer. It was hard to believe that these were both the same teams that met earlier in the league, a match Balaga won 7-2.

Second half began and things started to look up, as a well taken goal from Balaga top goalscorer Webz, brought the score to a catch able 3-2. A tactic of quick quality ball to the Mercer front man was working well for them unlike Balaga who again and again just gave easy ball away.

After this Balaga fell apart and deserved to lose the game in the finish to a score of 8-2..... Balaga just didn't turn up. From front to back they didn't perform. Lets hope next weeks match against Bare-Arses will yeild a better performance and result, and rebuild the shock confidence.

Balaga service Premier Auto Parts

Gameweek 9 and Balaga faced Premier Auto Parts for the 2nd time of the season. The last meeting saw Balaga run out 12-4, but an Auto Parts victory over Mercer last week would suggest a different match this time. Balaga were without captain Tom O'C due to work duties again but at least Damo was back in goals. Rory still had issues with his back so started from the bench alongside debutant Paul Dawson, brought in to cover Rory. Skinty was back in the Balaga defense to fill the gap left by Toms absence.

Team line out:



Things seemed to be looking up for Balaga as Auto Parts could only field 6 players and full advantage was taken of this with early goals from Webz and Parker.

GOAL!!! Webz's first goal was a fine individual effort. After collecting the ball Webz rounding 1 player and squeezed it through two other players to poke it in the far corner. Webz - "I don't usually get many good ones so its nice for them to be acknowledged.." Balaga 1-0 Auto Parts. Parker was soon afterwards warned by the ref after tackling Auto's defender, who made sure the ref and the barman serving drinks heard his scream. This didn't turn out to be his last time he picked himself up from the ground, as he didn't appear to be too up to date with the no slide tackle rule.

GOAL!!! Balaga made it 2-0 thanks to a great finish from Parker where smashed it from far out.. BEAUT! Balaga 2-0 Auto Parts. Soon after this Auto's got their 7th man, a player who had just scored about 6 or 7 goals for a division 1 side just prior to this match. It would have been handy if Balaga knew this from his inclusion because before they knew it Auto Parts were level 2-2 thanks to 2 goals from the new recruit.

GOAL!!! Once Balaga stepped it up again and stopped dropping deep they began to create chances once more, and it wasn't long before new boy Dawson put Balaga back into the lead for the second time with a fine strike from far out. Balaga Tongo 3-2 Auto Parts. Frustratingly for Tongo though, Auto's recruited young fella got his and Auto's third of the half with a sweet left footed finish. After this Dave W decided to man mark the player which defensively began to yield results for Balaga, as in they didn't concede anymore before half time!

The second half was a much easier affair for Balaga, who finally seemed to get a grip on the danger areas from Auto Parts. Skinty was doing a masterful job on their hot head up front who was heard bitching and moaning under his breath as he wasn't given an inch all night by the Balaga stand in. Broderick was also dealing with their flash fella out the left wing who eventually ripped his top open in frustration at losing the ball out the wing.

YELLOW CARD!!! Auto's Olympic diver was shown the 10 minute road after another sliding tackle, about his 4th of the game.

GOAL!!! Soon afterword's, a sliding tackle from another head the ball in Auto's defense allowed Balaga to go back into the lead via a peno. Phil gracefully stepped up and slotted home the resulting spotter. Balaga Tongo 4-3 Auto Parts.

GOAL!!! Balaga made it 5 from a well taken goal by webz. It was training ground corner, if Balaga actually trained it would be anyway. Phil passed it to to webz on the front post and he bundled it in his typical Webz style!! Balaga Tongo 5-3 Auto Parts.


Dave was doing a masterful job of man marking, so close that even Auto's danger man had Whiftys blood on him, what with Dave stuck to him all night. Webz swapped the job of holding the midfield with Dave and still managed to score 2 goals. He now equals Rory with goals scored for Balaga this season. Rory had a quite night by his standards, but that's not to say he was quite! A constant torn in Auto's side, alongside Dawson, who proved to be a great inclusion, scoring one and controlling the midfield at times. Once more Parker was his usual Tevez self cropping up with a goal and hounding anything that moved in the Auto team. The same can be said for Phil who was up front from the start but fell back into midfield later in the match to spray around the passes to any Balaga runners. Damo had a steady night in goals, after blaming himself for the first goal conceded, he didn't put a foot wrong after that.

There was great news for Balaga after the match as reports came through that second placed Upsetters, failed to get a victory over douglasmortage.ie and fell 6 points behind. Mercers victory means Balaga are now 4 points clear at the top with 5 matches left to play.

Cowboys Keep Cucumbers Quiet

Back to almost full strength, FC Balaga Tongo failed to finish off their opponents in a low scoring draw with Callas Cowboys last night in Garryduff.

Team news before the game was all good except for word that regular Balaga stopper Damo Kennedy would be out again and maybe for a few more weeks with his Rib injury. Skinty was called and would fill in as goalkeeper for the night. The starting line up, infront of a new low of 0 fans, was as follows...

Balaga had the lions share of possession from the off, but the cowboys were no pushovers, defending well and repeatedly trying to catch the Tongolese with fast breakaways and balls over the top of Broderick and O' Callaghan. These were dealt with but about half way through the first half they were able to scramble past the defense and the striker had a one on one with Skinty, the stand in keeper reacted quickly but a swave meg finish put Callas 1-0 up.

Shocked by this, Balaga pushed on again but were being again frustrated with staunch defending, corner upon throw upon shot were had but to no avail, and the half time whistle blew.

The second half started off like the first, the players talked about a bit more urgency but things just weren't coming off for the Tongolese. Then about half way through the second half O' Callaghan struck a volley from about a 1/2 yard out after Webz spotted his run from a throw in. The match was then there for the taking but both teams were finding eachother hard to break down as Balaga struggled to handle the Callas forward, keith it think, and Skinty was called into action a few times while Browne, Webz, David W , O' Driscoll and Parker all couldnt get the ball in the net despite a good few chances.

So the game ended a dull 1-1, and in the stats it will go down as the clubs best defensive performance and worst attacking performance. The result keeps Balaga on top of the league with Upsetters moving 3 points behind in 2nd after beating Bare-Arse 5-2. Mercer lost to Premier Auto Parts 3-2 leaving them a further point behind in third. Rosies and DouglasMortgage played out a 2-2 draw to stay in 4th and 5th respectively. How callas are third from bottom is a mystery.


So 1 point is better than none but not half as good as 3, i did the maths, and Balaga Tongo will have to be fully commited next week to take the 3 from Premier Auto Parts who have in recent matches found some form and maybe a new player or two. 6 more wins and the title will be in Tongolese hands, but theres a hell of a lot of ball to be played yet.

Balaga deny Mortgage

Match day 7 and the season midpoint had arrived for the cucumbers, and again, they were players short. Concerts appear to be distracting or mutilating Balaga members 1 by 1. Damo was again out due an incident nvolving his ribs and four scumbags after a prodigy gig. Phil will never be forgiven for taking the night out to watch a LADY GAGA gig!!! For shame Phillip, and Rory was out due to a back injury. He was at an AC/DC gig the previous weekend so perhaps a crowd surfing mishap might be the reason.


Anywhooo, due to a breakdown in communication, Skinty was informed 5 minutes before kickoff that he was in goals, so Broderick was once more asked to play stick. Two deputies in Sam Tyrrell and Alan O’Sullivan were brought in to replace Phil and Rory so Balaga had just the bare 7 to play.


Here's the formation:



Captain Tom O’C was back for Balaga after a two week absentee, and because Broderick was needed in goals, Parker was asked to move into defence as cover. The match kicked off and it was pretty obvious from the start that the ref had more than a football interest in douglasmortage.ie. Perhaps he has an interview coming up over a possible mortage, or just hates Balaga(very possible), but every single call went the way of Douglas, except for one early on when he gave a throw to Balaga on their left wing.

GOAL!!! Whifty took it I think, lobbing it onto new boy Alan, who turned, ran at the defence, then past them before coolly slotting it past the keeper. Sam Tyrrell might have been involved in the move as well. 1-0.

GOAL!!! Whify made it 2-0 on the night after parker won it back in defense and played it wide to webz who waited for Dave to make his run and then put it between two douglas men and onto Whifys chest/side which he used to flip the ball in front of him and tap it forward, with the defenders in pursuit the whole way. Dave rounded the keeper and placed a nice low rocket into the corner. 2-0.
GOAL!!! Sam marked his debut with a goal which will never be remembered, but it was probably sexy as! 3-0.

GOAL!!! Douglas lamped a worthless hoof up the pitch which was heading out for a goal kick, but for some reason only known to Broderick, decided to handle it outside his box. As quick as lightening the ref spotted an advantage for douglasmortage.ie and promptly awarded the free kick, from which they scored to make it 3-1.

YELLOW!!! Douglas began to exert some pressure and gladly took every free kick and throw in given to them, and after their Drogba impersonating defender took a dive at the feet of the punisher, the ref had no trouble in quickly issuing the yellow card to the Balaga captain. Unfortunately for the official, douglas didn’t score from the resulting free kick.

GOAL!!! Shortly afterward's the diving defender got on the score sheet, with a right foot shot past the keeper, the ankle seemingly no worse for ware.

GOAL!!! Balaga made it 4-2 with a neat finish from Webz after a corner kick from Dave. Webz : "Cant member the rest to be honest just pointing out that bit to point out my finish made daves corner look gud and it was my through ball that made dave goal look gud."

HALF TIME 4-2 Balaga

Second half began with Balaga back to full strength, and after a moan at half time about the ref, started where they left off. A crowd of 5 turned up to watch the game with new #1 fan, Damo's bird in the stands along with Damo and Rory who turned up to watch how their teammates got on.

GOAL!!! David W has made a big impression during his first season and scored his 9th of the season mid way through the second half. Dave - "my second was a bicycle kick (spoof),ball was loose in the box (gaf was crowded) landed to me on the edge of box and i neatly placed the ball between two defenders legs and the keeper (rasper of a goal)" 5-2.

GOAL!!! Another dubious free kick awarded to douglas resulted in another goal from the mortage heads. Balaga will have to improve on their defense for corners and free kicks, but in fairness, their unlikly to get as many awarded against them again for a while, so the ratio of goals conceded to free's/corners given wasn't all that bad.

GOAL!!! Sam Tyrrell rounded off a great debut with the goal of the night, he picked the ball up in the right back position, ran over to the left, and forward, pasted a few douglas midfielders and defenders before finding the net Diego Maradonna style, although a deflection was called it was still a fecking class goal.

Besides a very dodgy ref, which i cant emphasize enough, Balaga had this game sorted early on, and once more look like their back on track for the league title. Other results saw Mercer keep in touch with a 10-1 victory over league whipping boys Bare-Arse-Alona.

Rosies Cause Balaga To Blush

Nobody thought it possible with Balaga going 5 for 5 at the start of the Summer, but the seemingly impregnable Tongolese were shot down in their 6th game 7-3.

With O'Callaghan out for the second week in a row this time due to the MAN making him slave and with Damo's ribs taking some punishment over the weekend, FC Balaga Tongo were lacking in defensive options. With recent solid sub Skinty out due to a charity event, Sean Nicholson made his Balaga debut and Harry made his second appearance in the Black shirt, and this is how they lined out to start.



The match itself is slightly depressing to report about according to my secret sources it started off fair slow and the heads werent in it. This led to Rosies getting a 1-0 lead early enough on. Soon after this David W struck his 7th of the season latching onto a Parker corner on the right to make it 1-1. But the games wasn,t to turn and it was 2-1 to Rosies within minutes a breakway catching out the back line. But Balaga were pegging th egoals back and it was Sean who got a goal on his debut to make it 2-2, shooting at the goal and Webz and somehow probably through sheer daycentness it went in.

Then though Rosies got the lead again and for the rest of the match they were able to take their chances and make use of the lack of organisation within the Balaga ranks. Half time came and went quickly with little talk which wasn't to anyone benefit. "Captain" O'Callaghan turned up half way through the first half but had no gear (FOOL). So with players playing out of position and Harry the only player to really want to stay back. And it was this that let Balaga down as the Midfield was allover the place as well having nahhh shape. Rosies notched up seven in total as Rory picked up what turned out to be a consolation goal. Another free kick from the dead ball master though, and a spark of entertainment for the 7 strong crowd!!! A game where lessons were hopefully learned and will open the eyes of Tongolese that the season isn't over yet and they are going to have to give it all to pick up some silverware.

Mercer did Balaga a big favour though beating previous second spot holders the Upsetters 2-1. Bottom of the league scrap between Bare-Arse and Auto Parts ended up in a 9-5 thriller to the Arses. and in the last game next opponents DouglasMortage.ie beat the Cowboys 4-3, a similar result Balaga had against the Cowboys in gameweek one.

This leaves Balaga still top by 3 points but with a chasing pack of 4teams in contention there will be no resting on any laurels.

ALLEZ LES CONCUMBRES, VIVA LOS BALAGAS, and chin up govnaaaahs.

Balaga stand up-2-setters

With captain Tom O’C gone to Barcelona on some Jimmy Hill festival, Balaga found themselves with just 1 outright defender in Kev.

Deano still hadn’t returned from his ankle injury and is feared missing, so stand in captains and Phil and Kev had a busy few days trying to find replacements for not only Tom, but also Parker who had to pull out the morning of the game and Damo wasn’t 100% sure if he could make the game either as petrol prices aren’t what they used to be. A few hundred frantic texts, gchats and calls later, Balaga had 3 players confirmed. Skinty was back for his 2nd game for the Cucumbers, along with Jonesy and a debut for Harry who Rory recommended.


This was a match that Balaga had been waiting a while for and perhaps the inclusion of 3 relatively new players wasn’t the best preparation, although any fears of this were quickly forgotten. Also, to the relief of the cucumbers, Damo was available to play. Balaga’s formation was:



The last time these two teams met, Deano, broke an ankle, the time before that Damo had to be taken to hospital for a head injury, through no fault of the Upsetters though. They just seemed to be a bogey team for Tongo. The need for rocket scientists to figure out why these two teams were 1st and 2nd wasn’t needed as a bright start by both teams seemed to suggest a tight game was in store. Both had early chances, Rory threw a ball in to Kev who struck it on the half volley and more surprisingly kept it down only for an Upsetters defender to clear off the line.

GOAL!!! The deadlock was finally broke and it went Balaga’s way. A shot taken by Phil or Rory or someone struck a crowd of players in the Setters box, and appeared to strike Webz in the hand, in fact he appeared to hold the ball, turn, drop it and score. Either way, the ref didn’t appear to take any notice and Balaga found themselves 1-0 up.

Upsetters began to step up the pressure but Kev, Harry and defensive midfielder Phil appeared to have things under control. The inclusion of Harry was a masterstroke for Balaga as not only was he a constant communicator but his Rory Delap style throw ins were causing problems for the Upsetters. Previous encounters between these two teams generally went against Balaga as they couldn’t handle the strength of the opposition, but Wednesdays match was different. Everyone seemed to be up for the battle on the Tongo team.

GOAL!!! The second goal, began with a fast corner taken by Dave to Phil in the peno spot. His shot was blocked off the line and webz was on hand to flick it in. Balaga couldn’t have wished for a better start to the game. 2-0

GOAL!!! The upsetters aren’t quitters though and soon found themselves with a goal back. A quick break found Balaga with just 2 back against 3 and a clever ball out Balaga’s right found a man in space. The shot was across the goals to Damo’s left and as the keeper made an attempt to save it he appeared to injure himself again.

Was history going to repeat itself? Luckly for Balaga, they had both Kev and Skinty on hand to play in goals if needed, but Damo refused to go off and luckly for Balaga he didn’t, as he produced his best ever game for the cucumbers in a man of the match performance, to banish any thought of the last encounter between the two teams. Skinty came on for Broderick soon afterwards and slotted in perfectly into the defence, and made a great clearance off the line just as the half time whistle was blown.

The sequence of goals is unknown for the second half but with a helping hand from Dave here goes:

“I cant even remember my first, i think rory passed my it after we burst out of attack doing a one two....i was so happy about winning i cant even remember”. 3-1

“One of rorys was on the right wing and a hard low rocket in to the left corner”. 4-1

“my second goal was a throw in from phil which bounced weird in the box and it landed at my feet to flick it in to the right corner”. 5-1

Upsetters got a second in between this somewhere and Rory got another 2 to make the final score 7-2 to Balaga. A tough match was had by all including the 3 new players drafted in. Joneys high and strength were a great help to Balaga as they were able to hit a few high balls up front or to midfield when he moved back. Kev had a torrid time with that striker they have, with the two of them swinging handbags for most of the second half. Phil commanded the midfield and really stepped up to the mark. Dave who smelt like he just crawled out of a deep heat bath ran all over the park and even with that sore back, managed to score 2 goals and set up a few. Rory was his usual brilliant self, scoring a hat-trick, and webz played his heart out as he always does, getting tackles in all over the park and banging in two goals. Harry and Skinty played like they were seasoned Balaga pros and last but not least, Damo had a blinder between the sticks and deserves man of the match for some brilliant one on one saves in the second half.

That victory takes Balaga 5 points clear at the top as Mercer failed to take the opportunity to move into second, losing the douglasmortgage.ie 6-4. A 100% record for Balaga so far, a dream start.

Arses ravaged by Cucumbers

Match week 4 rolled round and Balaga were full strength once again with the return of Kevin B from Sicily. The bronzed up defender was delighted to return to an unbeaten Tongo team who were aiming for a fourth straight victory of the season. Also returning was David W who was a doubt after a fancy-dan celebration which backfired in the prior match and left the midfielders coccyx a bit worse for wear! The starting line-up was:

Tongo got into this from the start and began to quickly take control as a half time score of 6-0 would suggest, and create a nightmare for reporting!! Balaga # 1 fan and camera man Alan Tyrrell again caught a few with that shaky Borne Supremacy style of his, but from what I remember and in no particular order… bar the first which was scored by Tom O’C from a corner, here are the goals…

The Punisher wont score many more raspers than this one. Phil O’D took a corner which was left by Parker for Tom to drive a bullet into the top corner of the keepers left. A delayed swan dive reaction from Bare-Arse’s Keeper followed but his teammates had taken the kick-off at that stage.

As mentioned, the order of goals is unknown, but a further 11 goals followed for Balaga.

4 from an inspired Phil O’D,

3 from duracell bunny Stevie P,

along with 2 each from Rory D and Webz.

Involved in most of the moves was David W who seemed none the worse for his personal problem!! Broderick made a few Carvalho style runs up the field which at least once created a goal (and it was caught on camera too!!).

Phils first was from another corner, this time Rory the provider who picked out Phil. The striker collected the pass from the right and passed it into the near post. 2-0.

Parkers first of the night was all Steve’s work. He controlled a dodgy kick out from Bare-Arses defender, turned and ran at the defence before unleashing a fine-looking right foot shot into the keepers bottom right. 3-0.

From an inside source Phil made it 3 I think, from another corner taken by Rory on left. Phil miss hit it straight at the keeper who had already dramatically dived out of the way. 4-0.

Webz got his first of the night from a move which involved Broderick and Parker who slid it through to Webz who got the faintest of touches to shove it passed the keeper at his near post. 5-0.

Webz got his second of the night after Broderick, Webz and David W all linked up in the move. Webz collected the breaking ball, passed it to Broderick who ran at the defence, passed it back to Webz. Webz found David W out the right wing, who squared it to Balaga’s top scorer for the past two seasons. Webz showed everyone why this has been the case as he delightfully back heeled (Zola style) past the keeper to make it 6-0 at half time.

The second half scoring began with unknown goals from Parker and Rory followed, with a first for Bare-Arse-Alona’s tricky little Torres to mash any hopes of Balagas first every clean sheet I think? 8-1.

Any hopes of an Arse come back was squashed by a beautiful individual effort by Rory. It began as an Arse corner kick, which ended up at Parkers feet, who first time rolled it out to Rory on the left. The MVP without looking up knew the keeper was miles off his line and calmly, first time side footed with his right past the dodgy stopper, from inside his own half. Another one for goal of the season. 9-1.

The next two came from Phil O’D, the first a peno which he calmly slotted away, followed by an absolute howler from the Arse keeper once again. Out of pure frustration, he kicked the ball right at the Balaga striker who simple slotted it pasted him. After this the keeper pulled a stroppy and walked off the pitch. 11-1.

Arse did get a second of the night with a nice tidy finish which Damo could do nothing about but perhaps the defending wasn’t up to scratch. 11-2

But the last bit of action came from Balaga and from one of the players of the night Parker. He received the ball from a David W throw, controlled it and volleyed a low right footed drive passed the stand in keeper, who swan dived mimicking his predecessor. Another great goal to top off a superb all round performance, which see’s Balaga move top of the table outright, thanks to Upsetters drawing with Callas Cowboys.

Browne Shines Again As Balaga Bash Mercer

Last Wednesday evening saw a great performance from the whole Balaga squad to get the 3 points, but its Rory Browne who received the most praise after playing out of his tanned skin.

After a 2 week hiatus for recuperation, ie champions league and long weekend boozing, Balaga Tongo proved too good for a solid Mercer outfit. Missing Kevin Broderick due to him frolicking some gaff in Italy, and with the squad heavily attack minded, management had to bring in some defensive replacements. Last seasons rookie of the year and cafu wannabe John Duggan was drafted in as cover and for his Summer testimonial before jetting off to cape cod. Skinty was also called upon at the last minute as O Callagahan was being a drama queen with his blue ankle. So the starting line up was as below...


The first half was pretty tentative, an even amount of possession id say but Mercer were making the better chances. Kennedy and the defense had this under control though for most of it but with Duggan twisting his ankle after 5 minutes the starting line up didn't last long. Parker came on to replace him, playing out of position the rugged playmaker looked like a seasoned centre half. With Skinty available and Duggans injury short term (about 15minutes before getting crippled for another 15 after crashing through the side nettingsssz) there wasn't much to worry about as not much was really happening except for Mercers nippy forward causing some problems and getting a hacking from the cucumber defenders. But alas, bammm, Mercer scored from a long range effort, Kennedy getting caught out but maybe the Mercer player should of never got his shot off!

1-0 at half time but the Tongolese were not looking worried, except webz who didn't even want his photo taken. They knew that if they got the ball down and up to the attacking palyers in a manner where they could control it, they would score.

And Score they did. A couple of minutes in Browne got the ball outside the Mercer box and fired a missile of a shot at the goal and the ball went straight between the keepers legs (who had just gone in at half time). The second followed pretty soon after, Browne again was one on one with the last defender as O'Driscoll made a run on the right to draw the defender away as Rory stepped to his left and poked it into the bottom corner... NICE... Then David W added the third as Browne was involved again - taking the ball down from a kick out - then putting the ball over about 3 feens heads with solos before squaring to David W to finish it off.

Then the fourth came as Balaga were looking unstoppable, a Balaga break away, Browne was on the ball around the half way line and with O Driscoll running into space Browne called "nuts" as he slotted the ball under the players testicles and as u might guess through his legs aswell O Driscoll got to the ball before the on-rushing keeper and popped it past him. Ehhhhhhhhhh sickkkk!!! Rory then decided to score another one to make it five and give him his hat-trick(feel free to comment below if U do remember detail). Webz then continued his fine scoring run as he latched onto a Browne cross shot to slide the ball home and make it 6-1 to the Cucumbers. David W then topped off another fine performance in the Tongolese colours, having possession about 14.7 yards out on the right, he smashed a beautiful placed shot into the top of the net, then proceeded to do a comical/acrobatic/career threatening flip onto his back while no doubt shouting ZOOOOOOOOO... He came off soon afterwards but the game was over anyway and Balaga won it 7-2. With all the excitement I cant even remember the 2nd Mercer goal!

So Browne got 3 goals and at least 3 assists and even if he only played that game should retain the MVP award. But all credit couldn't go to the stand out player as all the Balaga stars had excellent games O Callaghan and Parker were ripping shreds out of ankles and not giving anyone time on the ball, Parker got a yellow for one such late challenge. Skinty was superb and solid as a rock in his Balaga debut. Damo Kennedy was brilliant despite finding out his Balaga career could be under threat due to contract finance difficulties. Duggan in his cape cod testimonial was solid as ever, probably would of scored if he wasn't hampered by the gods trying to kill his ankles. Then David W , O Driscoll and Webz all worked their socks off and got the goals they deserved.... AWESOME.

Elsewhere in the league the Cowboys put 6 past Premier Auto, Douglas Mortgage beat Balaga Tongos next opponents Bare-Arse 5-3 and old rivals the Upsetters got a 3-2 victory over Rosies keeping them top of the table by 1 GD. This leaves the table as follows before gameweek 4...


And as mentioned Balagas fourth game is against Bare-Arse-elona, an unknown quantity in the league, but if the Mercer game was anything to go by, and Balaga come out with thte same spirit, there will be no problems in despatching them!!! PS thanks Philip for telling me what happened!

Premier Auto Taken Apart

Fears of complacency were overcome as Balaga scored 12 in a rout of Premier Auto Parts.

With fears of goal tender Damo Kennedy being late due to traffic issues, Balaga were forced to re-think their starting lineup, but this re-thinking was re-thought with minutes to spare, as Kennedy arrived with, no.1 Balaga fan and no.1 Damo girl, Ashling in tow. Problems continued though as the Tongelese 8 were seen passing an imaginary football around during the warm up, it came to light that gear man O' Driscoll had forgotten to bring his balls.

The pre-match issues did not phase the Balaga team though as they setup to face Auto Parts with a new formation said to be decided on when they were drinking for JD's 21st last Friday. Playing only Broderick and O'Callaghan at the back with a 3 man midfield of Parker, Browne and David W , and Webz starting upfront as O'Driscoll had to be satisfied with sitting on the bench for the first 15 minutes. Balaga Tongo got into full stride quickly as they attacked Auto Parts quickly and regularly.



The first goal came from a throw in as Parker flung a ball into the area for David W to get on the end of, his glancing header was enough to put it in the goal and but the cucumbers 1-0 up. Webz was next on the score sheet as he received the ball just outside the Auto Parts area, he turned and fired his effort past the helpless keeper. Soon after this Broderick popped up with his second of the season, Browne was involved again as his free kick was mis-read by the keeper and bungled onto noggin of the onrushing Broderick to make it 3-0. In a strange yellow card occurence the Auto Parts attacker was hauled off for 5 minutes i think for giving out to the ref. Balaga had even more time on the ball and the next goal was an excellent move in which David W won the ball in his own half, passed out to the right wing for Browne to make some yards, and his inch perfect cross was met by David W who had run most of the length of the pitch to touch the ball into the net, 4-0. O'Driscoll came on for Webz and with his first touches of the ball could of scored, and he didn't have to wait long as he was at the end of a Parker shot across the goal, getting the necessary poke to make it 5-0. O' Driscoll doubled his tally within minutes, as an Auto Parts break came to nothing, Kennedy made a quick move to get his kick out high and long to a very open O'Driscoll, this kick ended up going hard and low but an unlucy Auto Parts defender had a deflection come off his his heel sending the ball over the last defender and into the path of O' Driscoll, who proved he hadn't left all his balls at home and his jump in front of the onrushing keeper was perfect, the header dropping nicely into the Premier Auto Parts goal. David W was taken off then as Webz came back on in his natural striker role, and O' Driscoll dropped off into midfield. One of the rare Auto Part attacks resulted in a corner kick and a disorganised Balaga defence was left wanting as a Parts striker got a tap in at the near post. Kennedy was irate with his defenders marking, and rightly so. But before the whistle blew for half time Parker was able to get his name on the score sheet and showed real quality with the deftest of back post touches after Browne had put him through.

7-1 and morale was high at half time, which was taken up mostly with players trying to get their names in the referees notebook for goals. O'Callaghan was said to be disgusted with his teams petulance but was more likely disgusted with how he did not get a goal himself.

Kev came off for David W to fill in at the back at the start of the second half. Confusion was brewing though, as David W indicated he was a crap "corner back" and was seen mostly on the ball in the oppositions half with O'Callaghan shouting at him. But with Parker covering when David W made his runs the Auto Parts were kept at bay. Balagas attacks were still frequent but lady luck eluded them as there was some missed chances from O'Driscoll, Webz and maybe Rory who id say at this stage was gagging to get his name on the score sheet. O'Callaghan came off for Kevin 10 minutes into the second half and a puaaarrrre lack of communication from the captain resulted in Kevin not knowing who should of been playing beside him. 2 quick Auto Parts goals was the result of this before O'Driscoll moved back into defence to give the Tongelse their shape again . Browne then came off as O'Callaghan slotted back in beside his partner in hoofing and tackles Broderick. Auto Parts seemed to tire and this is when Balaga pounced for another 5 goals. Webz'z Tevex like pressure payed off as he won the ball and stroked it into the net to make it 8-3. Parker added to his first half goal with a long range effort nestiling into the bottom left corner, cozy as ya like. Webz hit his hattrick then as O'Driscoll found O'Callaghan running into space on the right wing, his cross was met by Webz whos clinical touch found the corner of the goal, not a bother. It didn't take long to make it 4 though as Phils pressure on the Auto parts defence found him on the ball 10 yards out, he put a low pass to the back post which Webz was able to bang into the roof of the net from close range, the way he likes it. Colin the other half of this season record crowd was seen going wild in the stands shouting Webz'z name and brandishing his navel. Rory Browne came on for the last few minutes as Parker took his rest and Browne finally got his name on the score sheet to add to his string of assists. Webz was bungled over just outside Parts area and Browne drilled the ball low and hard under the fooled wall and into the net, 12-3, yes baiiiii. Premier Auto Parts never really dropped their heads though and kept attacking Balaga up to the final whistle, this paid off for them as they scored with the last shot and touch of the game to make it 12-4.


Not much to say after this as my hands are bate out now, but a great result puts Balaga into 3rd place on goal difference. Top of the table Upsetters beat douglasmortgage 9-1, second place Mercer saw off the Cowboyos 4-1 and Rosies won their match against Bare-Arse 8-3. This leaves the Div2 table split into distinct top and bottom halves already.


With A break for the Champions League Final next week, FC Balaga Tongo will face 2nd place Mercer the following week.

Balaga cripple Cowboys

A perfect evening for football greeted Balaga Tongo for their first match of the new summer season. New signing David W had to be happy with a place on the bench for the Balaga opener against new-comers Callas Cowboys. Balaga's starting line-up was:


Balaga wanted to stake a claim for the division 2 title early on this season and saw new-comers Callas Cowboys as a easy enough start, so it was widely thought, as history shows, favourite tags don’t suit the cucumbers, a win wasn’t a fore gone conclusion.

But right from the start Balaga began attacking the Calla defense. A corner kick on the left taken by Parker, was fired into the box where Kev took a left foot shot which appeared to be going in but for a deflection off Webz, who tried his best to avoid the collision. Soon afterwords however, Balaga found the opener with a goal from Rory. A loose ball out the right wing was just about kept in play by Webz who passed it forward to Parker. Steve controlled it and squared it to Rory for the finish.
A second for Balaga was soon to follow, this time Parker was the scorer, a carbon copy of the first, but this time the assist came from Rory. Just before this Phil made way for David W, who was to make his competitive debut for the club. His first piece of action was to find Rory for the midfielders assist to Balaga second goal.

If Balaga thought this was going to be a walk in the park though, they were mistaken. Callas showed good spirit to fight back and began to cause problems in the Balaga defence. Two goals from their best player and a superb save from Damo saw the cucumbers happy enough to be level. The Balaga goalkeeper had to dive full stretch down to his left to divert a Calla free kick around for a corner. A shot by Phil from the right whistled by the Calla keeper’s left hand post. 2-2 at half time.

The second half saw Balaga step up the pressure again, and as a result, had plenty of chances, even the defense got in the action, with Tom O’C taking another shot which was high though, along with Kevin who had a shot on target, and a text book Broderick bullet from outside the box which nestled in the top corner of the net, not the goal net however, the nets to prevent such way ward shots heading out in the road. No such net could prevent Parkers shot soon afterwords though which avoided the nets, the fence, the road and the neighboring wall for the kids to play with in the morning. Although some shots were way ward Balaga did deserve their third and a deserved second of the night for Rory. Unfortunately memories of the goal are sketchy, Phil O’D recalled it was passed in Arsenal style, which would suggest, a move without a finish, or end product so clearly it wasn’t like Arsenals style! Webz, when asked about the goal “I missed it, i was coming off”. From sketchy reports, it was a fine move finished off by Rory, assisted by the inform Parker. Both Parker and Rory were linking up well together with Webz and Phil.

But one goal wasn’t enough, Kevin found David W in the box but for the keeper to react well to save. Balaga had all the possession but the end product wasn’t happening. Then the equalizer came, a result of a free kick with deflected passed a helpless Damo, who still managed to get a hand to it. Not much time was left on the clock for Balaga to take all three points, and from the looks of it, Callas were happy with the draw. A chance fell to Webz to win it but he effort went wide. But soon afterwords, Callas tried to clear the ball, they squared it to their centre back who turn into an onrushing Kevin B. The Balaga defender appeared to block the clearance which rebounded into the Calla net. After the match Parker called it a tackle shot, which was to be the winner for Balaga. 4-3 the final score.


So after week 1 Balaga find themselves in familiar territory, in 4th place behind Rosies, last years runners up Upsetters and new comers to the Wednesday night Division 2 league Mercer, who beat Premier Auto Parts 11-1. Balaga face Auto Parts next week so a much larger crowd of zero is expected for the fixture, as goals are assured.